An Interview with Kaiba
by Azena Kira
Summary: Kaiba x OC somewhat... Lillian and Setasha have... An interesting interview with Mr. Seto Kaiba. ...I'm sorry now.... No... No I'm not, this was awesome to write!


An Interview with Kaiba

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My friend Lillian and myself walked in the front doors of Kaiba Corp as she looked at me, "Setasha, why are we interviewing this guy? I mean come on... He's a total jackass."

I grinned slightly, "Exactly."

She blinked and stared at me with that, 'what the fuck does that mean?' look that she can manage to pull off.

"May I help you?" The secretary called to us.

I walked over with my notebook and pen and smiled, "Yes. I'm Setasha Maari and this is my friend Lillian. We have a 3 o'clock appointment with Mr. Kaiba for an interview."

The woman smiled, "Ah, of course." She smiled and hit the pager to Kaiba's office, "Mr. Kaiba your 3 o'clock is he-"

"Send them up. They're late."

We blinked and looked at each other as the elevator opened, "After you." Lillian insisted.

I sighed and walked into the elevator with Lillian at my heels. I glanced at her, "What questions are you planning on asking?"

She grinned, "Oh, you'll find out."

I sighed again as the elevator reached the top floor, "For some reason... That scares me..."

We both walked out into his office and took the two chairs in front of his desk while he was typing on his computer. I smiled at him, "Mr. Kaiba thank you for-"

"Shut it. The faster I get this over with the faster I can get back to work."

I blinked and frowned slightly, "Right..." I looked down at my notebook, "First question is-"

"Boxers of briefs?" I could almost hear Lillian grin into the question and I sweatdropped.

Kaiba nearly spit out the coffee is was drinking, "...Excuse me?"

Lillian just smiled at him, "Boxers... or Briefs?"

I glanced at him with a slight blush on my face and I saw him grin, "I should've seen that one coming. Neither. Do you honestly think I can fit them into my pants? No. Next question."

I mumbled a 'figures' as Lillian began to read her next question, "Have you ever thought about having sex with a guy? If so, which guy and who was on top?"

I sweatdropped again, "Lillian... Where the fuck did you get these que-"

Kaiba sighed, "The answer is no. I'm straight. Besides, I don't have time to think about sex, there's too much work to be done at my company... And with Mokuba getting kidnapped all the time and people holding guns to my head, that leaves even less time to think about that concept."

I blinked at the detail he put into the answer, 'Did he already except these types of questions from us? ...Mine are mostly about his company... Apparently Lillian wanted more details... He's straight? Hm...'

Lillian smiled and wrote down that response, "Next question. Have you ever pictured Mokuba in a dress?"

Just as Lillian said the words an image of the younger Kaiba wearing a poofy white dress popped into my head. It took all my willpower to keep me from laughing.

Kaiba just stared blankly at us, "The yugioh episode featuring my virtual reality game should answer that question."

I blinked as Lillian continued her interrogation... Somehow, I don't think this was an interview for her anymore... It sounded like she was asking questions from a match making service, "Next... Have you ever had a boyfriend or girlfriend?"

His eyes twitched, "I told you, I'm straight, so I obviously haven't had a boyfriend... According to the news I've had girlfriends, but that was all staged for the media... So no, I've never been in a relationship. I don't have time for them..."

His eyes appeared to sadden slightly as I stared at him, '...And that makes him sad? That's not something I was expecting...'

Lillian on the other hand was ready with her next question, "Have you ever gotten drunk?"

Kaiba blinked at the question and put the wall back up on his eyes, "No. I don't drink... Although someone did put alcohol in my coffee once... I think it was Mokuba."

I laughed a bit and he glanced at me... Not a glare, just a glance... It was... Different.

Lillian turned the page in her notebook, "Do you like anyone besides Mokuba? Considering how many Joey/you fanfics there are..."

"Mokuba is my only family, and the only friend I need... But I have thought about having other friends... But they always end up using me to get things... As for those fics with Jou and me... Let's just say people have very... 'Interesting' imaginations... And by interesting, I mean disgusting. I already told you I was straight, so why continue with the gay questions?"

I blinked again at his response... While Lillian remained her usual self and continued her streak of questions, "Have you ever worn a dress?"

I sweatdropped as he nearly fell over in his chair, "Are you kidding me?! HELL NO!"

Lillian just sat there... That same disturbing smile on her face and lined up her next question, "What would you do if a hot guy came up and kissed you?"

He twitched, "I'd make sure he never saw living daylight again... Stop asking me gay questions... I told you I'm straight."

Still, Lillian remained calm, "If a puppy with a broken leg showed up on your doorstep, would you keep it?"

He blinked, "...Yes... And I'd get my doctors to fix his leg..." His face flushed slightly with embarrassment,"...I like dogs..."

I blinked, 'He likes dogs huh? I might be able to use that to my-'

"Aww!" Lillian glomped him and I felt my eye twitch, "You're soooooooooooo cute when you're blushing!!"

His eye twitched as well, "Get off me woman!"

She smiled and let go, "You're still cute." She sat back down as his eye twitched again and I saw him glance at me.

Lillian cleared her throat, "If a pit bull started to chase you down an alley with no one else in it, would you...

A. Calmly call your limo and swat at it with your briefcase.

B. Run as fast as you can towards a ladder that leads to a roof.

C. Shoot it with a gun, if you have one.

D. Panic and end up tripping.

E. Other, please specify."

He blinked at the detailed question, "E. Other... I'd throw it at Katsuya."

"Ooh, first name basis with the 'mutt' now, huh?"

He paused, "I said Jounouchi."

She smiled, "If you say so."

I sighed and stood up, "Mr. Kaiba I'm sorry we wasted your time."

He blinked as I bowed and started to walk out. Lillian blinked and stood up and followed me, "What about your questions?"

I kept walking, "I should hurt you now."

We got into the elevator and exited the building in silence. I glanced at Lillian, "So what was up with those questions anyways?"

She grinned, "He would make the perfect boyfriend for you."

My jaw dropped and I blinked repeatly, "Excuse me?!"

Unknown to us, Kaiba was watching us from his office window...


End file.
